HappyLady

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Name

Jacky Hughes

Birth

29 Sep 1955

Gender

Female

Location

Oxford, Oxfordshire, England (GB)

Job

Freelance Writer

Hobbies

Writing

Relationship

Divorced

6 photos

HappyLady › New article
6 years ago

Pitch black, dark. Every chink of light gone. even the half light let in by the frosted Bathroom window. A long, sagging line, stretched from one end of the enamel bath and Mother's pegs dotted it in an irregular dance. That was ready for later.

Sit, quietly, don't think of the monsters that scare in the dark or of the terrible things that can happen when the world is black.

Daddy pours liquid in a tray and I know he is doing something strange to the long long string of negatives and it all involves paper, shiny, glossy, of the "must not touch or I will smack your hand kind." There are a lot of things in this world you cannot touch. But the bottles are interesting. They have their own unique chemical smell.

Then oh, if only I could remember it now. There was a process that I have lost in the darkness but it ends in a wonderful line of dripping pictures. They must stay in the dark till they appear. We must not touch and I could not reach anyway.

Daddy is a magician. He takes a long line of film and makes it into pictures which in the morning are dry and wonderful mementos of holidays. Me, Mum, Dad, Sue by the chalet at Swale Ciiffe where I got lost and was found in a ditch by the sea.

But best of all was the Cartwheel. We found it walking together in a field on a cliff at Swale Cliffe where "I got lost and was found in a ditch by the sea." This is forever etched on  my memory.  I remember the time it was taken. Its appearance above the bath, then how the picture found its way to a frame and years later, just before Multiple Sclerosis stole my Father's ability to do much at all, how he painted the picture in oils using the photograph, and it is on the living wall still as a memory of better days.

And my magician of a Father now marvels because he just watched my sister from his bed in England painting on my Smartphone via Watsapp and has no idea that the picture  he sees now has any relation to what he did back then.

What happened to my cameras? He says. "They are still in the wardrobe upstairs," I reply and then we remember who he was and how he was once the one who could take a simple cartwheel and make it alive.

picture courtesy of Pixabay https://pixabay.com/en/camera-antique-vintage-old-2532088/

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You had to "go" now. Daddy wanted the bathroom. "Otherwise," he says, "you will have to hold on, and wait." An impossible task for a three year old, but maybe worth the trouble if Daddy allowed you in. Pitch black, dark. Every chink of light gone. even the half light let in by the frosted Bathro... Read more

6 years

viktorija64 › nice artikle

6 years

Deliana › Lovely story, thanks for sharing! ???

6 years

senior1819 › That is a good camera?

6 years

maca1 › Great artikle

6 years

HappyLady › New article
7 years ago

How to overcome procrastination and become a better person

Confessions of a writing procrastinator

I am a writer, or at least I say I am. Truth is, I procrastinate and my laptop is full of unfinished projects. I always mean to do something with the files, but they lay unfinished inside my writing machine of choice. Is that you too? Do you have file upon file of half started or half finished articles and books and a dream that one day, one day soon you will make your name by publishing it all. Let’s work together to make our dreams a reality.

There is a reason for my procrastination

There is a reason why we procrastinate and I will share mine. I am afraid what I write will not be good enough. That makes me lazy. I find everything else to do other than put my work out there in case somebody says it doesn’t pass the test of a true writer. Yours might be another reason, but that is the first step done for me. I identified the reason I procrastinate, and it comes down to sheer unadulterated, one of the seven deadly sins, pride. I don’t want to be found wanting.

Maybe your reason is different, but if you take a look at what stops you from finishing what you are writing, you will be able to identify the real reason you can’t get going with your writing career.

How are we both going to get going and succeed? Let’s not do the thing we both keep doing and run to a thousand websites telling us how to overcome procrastination. We read them all already. They were a good way of wasting yet more time. Instead, let’s work on producing some finished results.

Finding a focus

I have a thousand and one ideas churning into my head and I love to get them onto paper, or rather, into a text editor. So far so good, but in reality, I the thousand ideas I have churning in my brain paralyse me. I need to tease out the one thing I have to say and start saying it. That is how successful people work. They have one goal in mind and run with it. Too many ideas makes you want to give up because you cannot properly home in on any of them. That is why I am writing an anti-procrastination plan. Here it is.

Ask yourself a question

Ask yourself a question. What is the one thing above all else you want to say to the world right now? That is what you need to be writing about.

Make a decision

This morning you and I will choose one area to write about, and we will make a decision. We will focus on and run with that single idea until it runs out.

Every other thing we are writing is on hold till that idea is at the publisher or out on the world-wide web.
Now we can concentrate on our single task and all the others can wait.

Figure your audience

Knowing who you are writing for is motivational. If you know your audience you have a road map for ordering your thoughts.  It means you write to one particular group of people in a style that makes them want to read. Without that, your book or article becomes hard to write because you are continually changing your mind how it should be written. Determine to stick to that one audience, even if you get tempted to change direction.
Work out where you are publishing and how
If you don’t know where your work will end up it will work as another demotivating factor.

Decide now where the work going. Is it your blog, your book, an article for a website, or what? Don't keep changing your mind or turning an article into a book. It will help you with things like style and even how much time you allocate to a particular project. Remember you can expand a short article into a book at a later date.

Set a deadline

We will never get anything done till we set a deadline. Mine just now is that this article must be out there on the world-wide web in the next two hours. After that, each other half finished article gets the same deadline and then it must be out there somewhere. Then it goes into a file that says done and dusted.

Have a goal#
By the end of today, I want at least 3 articles other than this finished. I want them published and with no need to return to them.
That means setting a timetable.

Make a timetable

By 12 this article will be done. I will complete the next by 2 and the next by 4 and so on whatever the distractions are. By 6 today I am closing the laptop and relaxing. That is the secret of a good time-table. It has some lounge around and do nothing time programmed in at the right time.

Set a deadline

Deadlines are the enemy of writing procrastination. Set yourself a deadline and say that after that the piece goes to the rubbish bin or the back of the queue.

Get someone to have a look

I don’t mean give your work to an editor. I mean find someone who will have a quick look and say if the piece works. It is amazing how some positive encouragement helps. Motivation is what we need, not criticism.

Don’t over-think things

My perfectionism stifles my writing. We know we need more than a simple spell check, but I go nuts looking through my work for imperfections. The reality is someone, somewhere will write a better article and others will write one far below my standard. It is time to let go, do the standard checks and press the send button. After all, what is the worst that can happen? If the editor sends it back you work on it more, buy at least you know what really needs your attention.

Guess what? I have achieved my goal, not in two hours, but one. For this morning at least, I have overcome my writing procrastination.

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How to overcome procrastination and become a better person Confessions of a writing procrastinator I am a writer, or at least I say I am. Truth is, I procrastinate and my laptop is full of unfinished projects. I always mean to do something with the files, but they lay unfinished inside my writ... Read more

7 years

Sheryl › I felt it

7 years

OlgaLifeLover › Hi

7 years

HazySue › Love it. So much good information and suggestions found in here.

7 years

6 years

dorageorg › ???

6 years

viktorija64 › so much good information

6 years

HappyLady › New article
8 years ago

This is Freya the Catblog Cat speaking. I have been a blogging cat for years now. In the nature of cats I try to investigate whatever corner of the Internet I can. My carreer began when I earned a reasonable amount on a site like this. It was called Bubblews and is now defunct. That is a pity ... Read more

8 years

NyishaHv › Your cat is absolutely adorable :) I also have a cat.??

8 years

HappyLady › I know and she realy does sometimes blog to contribute to her keep!

8 years

7 years

LAFFINGKNOME › Great article and nice to hear from an intelligent cat!

7 years

Wandrnrose7 › I was on Bubblews, too. It was good for a while. ?

7 years

HappyLady › New article
8 years ago

Notes for eBook Making Jacky Hughes 
Copyright 
2017 Jacky Hughes All rights reserved

Introduction

Everybody seems to be writing eBooks so why shouldn’t you? It’s simple. You can self–publish and start selling almost as soon as your manuscript is written. There is nothing to be afraid of. It is all a matter of knowing how to create a document with the right headings. I’m sure you already know how to do that on your word processor.
The rest is easy. You will soon progress to making eBooks to sell in the marketplace.

What is an eBook?

An eBook is a book that can be:
bought or given away online. 
downloaded to read offline 
readable on an eReader 
Usually contains “reflowable” (sometimes called “flowable”) text

You were probably happy until you reached the word “reflowable.” Let’s explain that.

If you understand how reflowable text works you will be able to understand eBook formatting.

Reflowable text

It’s simple. Reflowable text is text you can adjust to suit yourself.  That is what you do when you use an eReader like Kindle or Nook or well, just about any eReader there is.

Understanding what eReaders do

The reader can change just about everything but the text of your book on their eReader.

They can alter the font, font size and page size and the colour of the background.

If you understand reflowable text eBook making is easy

There is no point in spending time on complicated formatting if people will probably change it anyway.

Just so you fully get the point about reflowable text

The best way to understand reflowable text is to use an eReader. You can even do that for free.

Download Calibre and import a free eBook, then play around with the software to see what you can do with the eBook format.

Calibre: http://www.calibre.com

How reflowable text affects your published eBook

To move forwards in our understanding of how to format an eBook we need to consider what effect reflowable text has on the published book.

Imagine your book published with page numbers. In a paper or hardback or even a PDF (which is another kind of eBook,)  the pages are fixed. Page 1 stays where it is all the time and page 2 and so on. That isn’t true of an eBook.

When you use an eReader to read an eBook all sorts of changes can be made. You can alters the size of the text, the line spacing or the size of the page.

Therefore the page numbers are irrelevant because the changes made in the eReader alter the number of pages in the book.

The exception to the rule

The only way you could stop this from happening is if you published your book using fixed formatting. For many people that might destroy the pleasure of using an eReader. If you really need the pages where you hope they ended up you will have to use that kind of formatting, but most of the time it isn’t necessary.

Get out of print book mode

Generally, writing a successful eBook  means you have to stop thinking the way you think about a print book.

Alter your thinking

It is time to stop thinking about eBooks as print books that appear on an eReader. Once you separate your thinking from print book mode the way you format an eBook becomes easier to understand.

Get into blog post mentality

Think about how you would create a blog post. In a way, an eBook is a bit like a series of blog posts strung together. Where do people read blog posts? On the Internet.

The pages on an eReader are similar to Internet web pages.

Think about how you read Internet blogs and webpages

Now think about how you read a web page or blog post. There is nothing more irritating than a blog post with a lot of irrelevant detail at the start. You probably skip any detail in the first paragraph and home in on the information.

You want to get to the actual blog post quickly. You haven’t got time to read how the writer eats fish every day and has seven cats. If the writer spends too long telling you you pass on by and search for a different blog by a different writer.
That affects how an eBook is formatted and structured.

The format for an eBook

There are two things that affect how an eBook is formatted and structured.

The need to use direct formatting – if you really must have the reader find page 1 where you want page 1 to be and so on.

The need to get your reader reading the main text of your book quickly

Most of the time you won’t need to think about direct formatting and can concentrate on drawing your reader in and getting them reading as fast as you cal.

Ebooks are best with a very simple structure

The good news is that this makes structuring and formatting your eBook very simple. It’s easy. Stop trying to write a print book. Forget all the hassle of working out where the pages should land and getting the numbering right. Ebook writing is a different and a lot faster.

Use seperate files if you really want a print book

The key is to stop thinking of your eBook as a print book uploaded to the Internet.

If you want to see why take a look at some of the books that appear on Google search. If a print book is uploaded to the Internet as it stands then it looks funny and it difficult to read.

But you also want to make a print book?

If you want to publish your book in print as well as eBook form then you need to make separate files for each kind of book.

You can, of course, copy and paste the text from one file to another. However, the formatting is not the same.

Let’s just go over that again.
Files for your print and files for your eBook
Use different files for your eBook and your print book.

Your print book will use fixed formatting. The reader has to accept the size of book, the kind of font and font size and so on that you have chosen for them. You can include page numbers and things like that because they will always stay in the same place.

Don't bother with the unneccessary

Your eBook is going to contain reflowable text. There is no point including formatting that will change once it is on someone's eReader. In addition to this, the front and back matter in a print and eBook are structured differently. A lot of stuff that goes at the front of a print book goes to the back of an eBook.

Now think about this logically

You need to create your eBook first.

You can use the headings for your print book. Both the eBook and the print book can use H1 and H2, maybe even H3 but every thing else is different. Put the page numbers in first and you will spend ages taking them out to create your eBook. That is because eBooks don’t usually work with page numbers.

Make the eBook first and you save a lot of time and many headaches. You can also publish faster and follow up with the print book when you are ready. Got that?

Make your eBook file first

If you make your eBook file first you can then copy and paste into your print file. The headings will be in place and save you time as you format the pages and so on. But hang on, let’s use a little common sense. The front and back matter need to go into different places in an ebook and a print book.

Remember what we said?

In an eBook you want to get the reader reading the main content fast. In a print book they can skip the bits nobody reads anyway by turning to the first chapter. Scrolling down an eReader or Internet page to get to chapter one is somehow less visually appealing and takes more time.

Files for front and back matter

Obviously, the text will be the same for your print and your eBook. Information goes in different places.

It makes sense to make separate files for your front and back matter. That way you can use them for the kind of book you are formatting.

Again, format the print files last.

You may find you want more front and back matter in your print book, so again, it makes sense to create separate files for each section you want to include.

You will also probably add more front and back matter into your print version.

In case you don’t know we had better look at what front and back matter includes.

Front and back matter

Front and back matter includes:
the introduction, 
foreword
Acknowledgments
Prologue
Introduction
about the author, 
the contents 
the index.
Bibliography
Sales pitch
List of titles of other books you published
Anything else not meant for the main text of your book

In a print book much of this will go at the front. The back contains your index, bibliography and maybe a sales pitch for the author’s other books. In an eBook the conventions are different. Let's look at printed book conventions first.

Print book front and end matter conventions

A print book has a fair number of pages before you get to the content.

Most of this goes to the end of an eBook.
 
Print book order

Pick up any print book and you will usually find a fair few pages before you get to the main text or the story. It looks professional to include the pages in the accepted order for a print book. If you self -publish print books it is a good idea to know these conventions.

The professionals can always tell

People who know about publishing can always tell a self-published book because people rarely follow the conventions correctly.

Front and back matter eBook conventions

As little front matter is included at the front of an eBook There is no hard and fast rule, but it is best to keep things simple.

Reading an eBook is similar to reading a web page. You want the information or the story to appear quickly and so a lot of preamble is irritating. There are two golden rules to follow:

Keep front matter to a minimum. 
Put everything you can to the back and use as little front and back matter as you can.

Order of pages in a print book

The number of pages in your print book must be divisible by four and your left hand margin needs to be larger than the other three to accommodate the spine.

Chapters and important front and back matter goes to the right hand side of the pages.

You start numbering 1,2, 3 from the third page of the first chapter.

Chapter headings have no page number and are often half way down the page.

Front matter order in a print book

Front matter is ordered like this:

half title page
page with titles of other books in the series you have written
title page
copyright page 
contents
Ilustration list
Tables list
Foreward
Preface
Acknowledgments
Introduction
Chronology/ list of abbreviations
Back Matter in a print book
Notes
Appendix
List of contributers
Index
Resources
Bibliography
About the Author

Obviously, not every book has all of these, but most have a fair number of front pages and some of the back matter. This is fine as the reader can quickly skim through the pages without looking if they want to. Ask yourself when you last read the front or back matter of a print book?

Think of all the hassle it takes to get the formatting correct. Now consider the eBook option.

eBook formatting

Lots of front matter makes eReading difficult

If there is too much front matter in an eBook the reader loses interest as they have to make a lot of effort to scroll past to the story or book content.  Think how you would react to a web page with a lot of front matter.

Ebook front and back matter page order

Title page 
You can use the cover as the Title page if you want.
Copyright page 
You can include the copyright notices on your title page although it is preferable to make them into a separate page. 
In an eBook you can put the copyright page at the back if you prefer. It may be better placed at the back if you have a long copyright notice. 
Prologue is best avoided
Foreward is best avoided
Introduction is best kept short
Hyperlinked chapters

Anything else that needs to be at the front of the book to help the reader. The general rule is if it doesn't get the reader to the main part of the book quickly you put it at the back. Sometimes it even works better to have your chapter of contents there.

Back matter includes includes:

Testimonials 
Reviews 
Dedication 
Acknowledgments 
Index (although this is not really necessary because people can use the “find” feature
Bibliography
Epilogue 
Bibliography 
Endnotes 
Conclusion 
Self Promotion 
Advertising

In other words
 
Get the important stuff where people will read it
You want the end matter you really want people to read to be as near to the main part of your book as you can get it. The rest  must go to the back.
. 
Cover matters

Finally, your cover is important.  That goes both for print and eBooks. People buy books because of the cover. They rarely read the whole book and often only the first chapter.

This is a consideration. People reading an eBook may read more of what you have to say if it is easy to click on the contents. They may also do this as eBooks are traditionally shorter than those in print.

I made the cover for this article myself using Canva http://www.canva.com

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Notes for eBook Making Jacky Hughes Copyright 2017 Jacky Hughes All rights reserved Introduction Everybody seems to be writing eBooks so why shouldn’t you? It’s simple. You can self–publish and start selling almost as soon as your manuscript is written. There is nothing to be afrai... Read more

8 years

ze2000 › Interesting read. I struggle to write in English, I can write perfectly in my language though.

8 years

HappyLady › English is not that easy, even for the English!

8 years

HappyLady › New article
8 years ago

MY ONLINE LINE DRAWING AS ART TO DE-STRESS

I made the picture of the cat accompanying this article using a photo editor. That is a good way of making a line picture and of course you can mess around with other edit functions too. That is my favourite way to use art to de-stress online.

However, that is not the kind of picture I want to talk to you about today.

YOU DON'T NEED TO BE ABLE TO DRAW OR PAINT FOR THIS

I want to introduce you to the idea of using paint and brushes and other materials without needing to be able to paint or draw. There was a time you did this, when you were young wasn't there?

THE FINISHED PRODUCT WAS NOT IMPORTANT

Think about the time when you were a child. You loved to use paint and crayons and didn't worry if the picture got finished. It was the act of using the medium that was important, not the end result.

THEN THE GROWN UPS STOLE THE JOY OF ART FROM YOU

Then some well meaning adult probably asked you "what is it?" or worse, they told you how to do the drawing or painting better. That gave a message. "You are not very good at this."

SO YOU STOPPED PAINTING AND DRAWING

That is where most people stop. They decide they are not able to draw or paint and so they down tools and turn to other things. They joy of using paint or crayons is lost. There is a reason for this.

ART GOT STRESSFUL WHEN YOU COULDN'T DO IT "RIGHT"

An action meant to be relaxing becomes stressful if someone tells you you cannot do it in the right way.

ART FOR DE-STRESSING IS DIFFERENT

Art for de-stressing is different. It doesn't need some kind of finished product. You can have fun and throw what you did away or keep it just like you did back in nursery before all your problems wound you up.

ADULTS NEED PERMISSION NOT TO CREATE, FINISH OR MAKE A RECOGNISABLE PRODUCT

I have discovered that if you give adults the paint and crayons and paper and tell them just to enjoy using them without worrying about the end result, people usually have fun and sometimes will produce a nice picture. However, the point is you do not need to worry if you don't.

MY ART FOR ART'S SAKE COURSE

Why would I create an teach an entire course doing just that? I will tell you. it comes our of a bad experience of becoming ill with stress.

Yes,

I discovered the joy of simply using the paint and crayons for myself at a point when I was most stressed.

THE HUGE PIECE OF PAPER AND THE PAINT

I was in a group of sick people in an art room and asked what I would like to do. I replied I wanted a huge piece of paper and to throw black paint at it.

Given the paper, I began. Only something amazing happened. I started off throwing black paint at the paper and some of the tension and stress eased. Then I started on other colours. Each time I chose a brighter colour and others joined in. Some were far more stressed than me.

THEN STRESSED PEOPLE STARTED TO LAUGH

In the end, six stressed people were all throwing paint at the paper and laughing.

Laughter is good for the soul. We were all more relaxed.

ADULTS NEED PERMISSION TO PLAY

I had something to hold on to. The action itself is therapeutic and you can use paint without having to make a picture and PERMISSION not to create and to simply play.

HAVE FUN AND SCRIBBLE

As adults we set ourselves up to fail because we think everything we do has to have an ending and look good. Sometimes it is best just to scribble.

MY ART DE-STRESSING COURSE

I was pleased to be asked to run it in a mental health centre, but it also worked in an ordinary college.

People found "Art for Art's sake as I called it  very relaxing.

It is a pity the government funding ended so soon.

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MY ONLINE LINE DRAWING AS ART TO DE-STRESS I made the picture of the cat accompanying this article using a photo editor. That is a good way of making a line picture and of course you can mess around with other edit functions too. That is my favourite way to use art to de-stress online. However... Read more

8 years

Alex › Very nice

8 years

Bilston › Great

8 years

ze2000 › I like editing too, it does relax

8 years

HappyLady › Thank.you for your comments guys.

8 years

7 years

LiaF7 › Lovely

7 years

6 years

Shavkat › c",)

6 years

HappyLady › New article
8 years ago

Stress can kill. Who hasn’t read that at some time, somewhere? It’s true. People die of it. For that reason, stress has a bad name. Whoever we are, whatever we do, we all have to learn to manage our stress levels. however, it is not always bad.

There is both positive and negative stress affecting our lives. The positive kind pushes us to get things done, to work and study hard. We need that.  The negative takes over when we become worried and anxious about our lives and is the focus of this article in which I will be talking about ways of dealing with negative stress.

We all cope with stress differently

Everyone is different. We respond to the same situations according to our personality and background.  What works for one person will not always work for another.

There is no magic formula that deals with everyone’s stress. I cannot live in your head, feeling what you feel and you cannot live in mine. That means we must each work out what helps us keep calm when life becomes difficult and we feel anxious and afraid.

See dealing with stress as a life skill

Therefore we must understand that learning to deal with stress is a life skill. Ths is not a gift from heaven, but a practical tool we can use to make life better in its harder moments.

It is important we do so because it is possible to end up in hospital with all the symptoms of a major illness as a result of stress. I know because this happened to me.

During my divorce, I had all the signs of a heart attack, but investigations showed that there was nothing wrong. The temptation, when this happens is to rely on medication to solve the problem.

Many doctors will prescribe medication if you are stressed, but this is not a cure. It won't take the cause of your problems away.

Medication may not solve the problem

Even if you take medication, the way this interacts with the mind and body varies from individual. This is why it is so hard for people who are mentally ill to find the right dosage to alleviate the problem. The medication always needs fine tuning.

Self medication to alleviate stress is dangerous

Even where prescribed medication is used, many people find ways to self medicate. These can add to the problem.

Getting drunk may be a temporary relief, but it could lead to becoming an alcoholic. Taking drugs can result in drug addiction and spending money in severe debt.

Self-medication often increases, rather than decreases the stress in your life.

Stress usually means we add more to the load

When we are stressed, we are prone to making poor decisions that cause extra worry. We will leave the housework undone, buy expensive take-aways and erode the household budget, forget important appointment or birthdays and so on/ The smaller everyday stresses are often what robs of of our ability to cope with larger issues.

Learn to save energy

These things contribute to how we feel inside.   They steal our energy. We don't just cope with a big problem, but a myriad of smaller ones that eat away our strength. If we can reduce the smaller issues, then it will leave us energy to deal with the major problems in our life.

Know stressor priorities

Life is never going to be straightforward and lacking in stress and there are different kinds to deal with. Getting to work on time can be stressful but that is not in the same league as a marriage break up. Having an argument with a friend is different from having an argument with a boss and losing your job.

Some things are repairable but others are not and have ongoing consequences.  Make it a priority to fix the things you can.

Control the things you can

Know your stress levels and manage the things that are within your control.  Managing these leaves you head space for dealing with your larger problems.

For example, You can work out a strategy for getting to work on time or getting an assignment finished, or for getting the kids to school. However, you cannot change whether your parents have dementia or immediately put a failing marriage to rights.

Here is my own blueprint for minimizing stress. I make lists. I work out what I can deal with quickly, and work on those things. There is great therapeutic quality in ticking off things on a list.

Assess your situation

Think through the situations that cause you stress and work out a strategy to reduce every area of life where it is possible to do so. That way you energies can go into coping with the larger problems in life. Divide the types of stress into different headings and make a list for each.

Stresses I can deal with today
Stresses I can deal with this week
Big problems that are stressing me
Things I cannot change that stress me

Next, I work on one immediate problem. I find the one that is most pressing and work on solving that.  Instead of approaching things head on I break that problem down into a list of smaller things to do. I begin with my first list as those things are the easiest to deal with. At one time my list read:

1. Get out of bed.
2. Get washed
3. Get dressed
4. Eat breakfast
5. Go for a walk.

I was so stressed it was hard to get up in the morning! Ticking things off on my list helped me a great deal as it soon became:

1. Wash up ten things
2. Put ten things away
3. Phone someone
4. Write an email
6. Put washing in the washing machine.

That made it easier to clear my head and work on the trickier problems like calling the school or the lawyer. This might seem simple, but it helped me retain head space at a very difficult time.

Develop harmless strategies to help you through stressful times

Finally, develop a set of harmless strategies you can use when life gets really difficult. In the rest of this article, I am going to show you my own ways of coping. You may like to try them and see if they work for you.

Find the things that help to calm you down.

The warm bath

I once arrived at a friend’s house in a state of agitation. She did the best thing ever. Instead of talking about my problems, she ran me a hot bath!
Then she put me in a bed with a hot drink. I slept. 
There is nothing wrong in taking six hot baths a day if it helps.

Following that experience, if I am really stressed I take a hot bath if I can.

Try herbal teas
Chamomile tea is excellent for soothing the nerves. It is worth exploring which herbs work for you.

Burn essential oils

Even the act of preparing a herbal tea or getting an oil burner set up can help calm you. Lighting an oil burner has a therapeutic feeling to it. There are a number of oils with great properties for relieving stress.

Rose oil is a good choice. It smells good and acts as an anti-depressant too.  Ylang Ylang is great if you are feeling angry and frustrated.

It is worth experimenting to see which oil works best for you. As with prescribed medication, we all work slightly differently so how an oil affects one person won’t be exactly the same as for another. Here is a list of the oils best known for helping with stress issues.

Rose oil
Ylang Ylang
Lavender
Lemon
Frankincense
Bergamot
Marjoram
Chamomile
 Vetiver
Geranium
Cinamon
Fennel
Rosewood

Other ways to use oils to relieve stress

You can use the oils many different ways.  It is even possible to carry a small bottle around with you to sniff when you are feeling stressed. Add a few drops to your bath or your unscented shower oil. Candles scented with essential oils also help.

The herbs that calm you

Keep these herbs in tea or tablet form in your cupboard if you can.
Chamomile, Passion flower, Kava Kava, Liquorice root, St John’s Wort and Lavender

Keep stress relieving plants

Get to know the power of plants. Keeping up a large garden won’t destress you unless you like gardening, but you might manage a plant or two in a pot.

Chamomile
Marjoram
Lavender
Skullcap 
Jasmine

Are all good choices. It is easy to get the first three as they may be sold in your local supermarket.

Learn to breathe

I learned this technique years ago. Take a very large breath and slowly count backwards from 20 or higher if you can. For some reason, it relieves stressful feelings.

Use head massage

By this, I don’t mean go and pay someone to do it. Simply run your own hands repeatedly from the front of your forehead over your hair to the back of your head. Keep doing it. It can be remarkably soothing.

Watch or use waves

Find a repeated motion picture of waves or a CD of them. Listening to and watching them is extremely calming.

Write

No! Not about what is stressing you. Get a piece of paper and see what comes. If it is a repeated set of full stops, so what? Your aim is not to compose a masterpiece, it is to calm yourself down!

Paint
Again, this is about an action, not a completed work to hang on a wall. Moving a paintbrush backwards and forwards over paper is surprisingly soothing.

Use music
Solomon in the Bible would call for David to play music to calm him. Keep some music espescially for stressful times.

A happy place

Walking in a beautiful place can be helpful. Find somewhere nearby.

Skip! Run, walk, hop, jog

There are times when as a stressed person you do not want to leave the house, but exercise is good for relieving stress. Keep a skipping rope or a hula hoop handy. You can also dance unseen

Stone therapy

Go to the sea. Pick up stones. Name each stone with one of your problems and hurl it into the sea.

There are, of course, many other suggestions I can make, but I hope what I have written so far will help those of you who suffer from stress and anxiety to bring your stress levels right down. I know my ideas work. The other day one of my children informed me I never get stressed or anxious at all. This was high praise for someone who used to be known to live in a state of high anxiety. I am living proof you can become free of the wrong kind of stress,

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8 years

Mohrem › Hallo HappyLady, great post! We all have different levels of stress everyday so that was a brilliant topic to deal with. Your tips to reducing stress make sense and I would just like to add something to it. Time. Letting time pass over things we have no control over tends to heal our souls. The death of a loved one, divorce, working through getting an addiction among other problems sometimes requires that we just give ourselves time and aim to seek positive distractions and gradually things get better!

8 years

HappyLady › Thank you for commenting and your kind words. It is great to hear your additions.

8 years

7 years

averygirl72 › Thank you for this article. I'm having a lot of stress in my life lately. Thanks for all the information

7 years