By ScaryGal
2 years ago

My depression...

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My depression is a little monster that sits on my shoulder. It's constantly there and I can't drown it out. People tell me I should ''Just get over it'' but if it was that simple there wouldn't be so many suicides and people on antidepressants. I was told by a 'friend'' that it's all in my head and I just smile through it. It's not that simple and I wish more people knew this.
Depression is constantly there and we don't control our thoughts the depression controls us. We can't help feeling this way, we do our best not to but sometimes it's so hard to get of bed in the mornings.

I have good and bad days. On my good days I'll laugh and joke around but my depression is still there making me think about killing myself. On the bad days, I lay in bed thinking how better off things would be without me around, how much better my family would be if I wasn't here. Bad days include not eating and staring at the wall day dreaming, thinking about nothing and sometimes everything.

Recently I told my mum about my depression, I wrote everything down in a letter and went out for a walk while she read them. When I came home we both cried on the stairs and she held me while I broke down in her arms. She made me a doctors appointment for my anxiety and depression. Saturday was a BIG day. Not only did I have my doctors appointment but I also had a birthday party to plan. I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

The only problem is, I've grown to use this fake smile and ''I'm fine'' too long and I've started saying I'm fine when in reality I just feel so shit. I and my mum are closer than ever and we talk about how I feel every day.

Today is just a bad day, I've got so much to do but I know I can't actually get through it because I find it so hard to concentrate on something, things that used to bring me joy just don't anymore. Things are hard but I know I will get through it, I have to get through it.

I'm not fine but as long as you say the right thing and act the right way people think they've fixed you and it makes them feel better.
2 years
Borderline At least now your mom knows and the doctors as well, so they can help you. I would suggest you to start a new life in a different new country or travel or something, that would help a lot, but keep the fight up!
2 years
2 years
Alex Yes.. a new start will be good for you
2 years
2 years
Maydelene Sometimes also im depressed! Hard! But i always divert my attention and i always think of my children that makes me Happy.. sometimes here my environment not good till my mood become bad.. im far to my children im in the other country.. but if i think my kids it makes my mood ok and made me happy.. though sad deep inside my heart coz im far from them.. I ALWAYS DIVERT MY ATTENTION it really helps...
2 years
2 years
LAFFINGKNOME Hi, Scary Gal I really empathise with your predicament I too suffer from anxiety and depression. You are right when you say no one who doesn't suffer from this understands. You get negative attitudes like "Get over it" or some people are really horrible to you in their lack of understanding.

It is an affliction that just doesn't disappear though you smile through it and try to get on with your life. At least with your mum and doctors, you have a good support network. I wish you well!
2 years
2 years
NyishaHv Depression is often something that can be stigmatised. Either because of lack of understanding, or even lack of sympathy. I have suffered with Major depression for at least 3 years now, what some people do not understand is, mental health and even depression can be defined as the dimished capacity to cope with everyday life. Some people choose the medication route because they can't cope; if they could then they probably would not choose it. I admire your fight, and your struggle, it is what will be making you stronger, you are amazing! Our past experiences can shape who we are, but we must not be defeated by our past, eventually it will be what makes us stronger, I have found.
2 years