OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder)
Not a lot of people know I suffer from this, It's a personal struggle that I'd like to deal with in my own way.
What is OCD?
They say OCD is a mental disorder (I do not like to look at it in that way) It's when someone repeatedly performs routines and checks things over and over until it feels right. It doesn't mean you're mental It means you like things down in a certain way.
Anything I put my hands to I do so easily (everyone calls me the Jack of all trades, because I can do any professional job that is put in front of me)I even show up professional plumbers and electricians with my extraordinary thinking and magical hands I call them. I do dirty jobs all the time, but with me I clean and tidy up my way, more thorough then most people you could say.
When you hear Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, they make it sound so bad, like your different when first approached, it's not that at all. I'm a very normal guy and if you met me in life you wouldn't even know I had OCD.
OCD is like this:
'You may have set those cushions out on the couch, but something inside is telling me that's not right, I need to start over' If I left them alone the first time I would start to feel a little unsettled and agitated.
I would not panic, but I would not feel calm inside either. I start to breathe a little heavily and stare over at the cushions, I know they're not right and will not settle.
OCD is when people arrange and align things in order and if a pen or book is out of place you straighten them, repeat over and over if until you feel it's right.
Some of the things I constantly do?
Everything I do has to end in and even number, and the amount of times need to be exact. When I'm in work and I wash my hands I always take 4 hand towels in total from the dispenser (It has to be 4 no more) If I accidentally take an extra one, It messes me up, so I have to take another 3 to make it four again.
I know, that's eight sheets, that's fine because Its an even number and I think of it being two lots of four.
Taking too many does sometimes irritate me, but this Isn't a problem. I don't take just 2 sheets on their own either because it doesn't feel right to me. If I walk out of the toilets with only taking two sheets from the dispenser, I am then constantly thinking about those other two sheets, I go back in specially to take two more to make it up to four.
If there is a situation where they're ain't enough hand towels, I check the bog roll and take four from there instead.
My scenario is wash hands, 2 hand towels, wash hands again straight afterward, take two more hand towels. In total that's four, I then walk out feeling content.
Doing things in even numbers is very important to me.
- Eating 2 bags of crisp at a time rather than one (Messes me up if I only have one)
- Backside wiping is a bizarre one, it has to be an exact number of wiping (Not telling you how many, too personal)
- Already mentioned above, 4 hand towels or bog roll sheets to wipe hands. Wash hands twice all the time, no more no less, otherwise it messes me up.
- Two pens laid out equal length, no more than two pens and no less. (If I see one out of place I will straighten) I do this with everything.
- An even amount of squirts I do with my shampoo bottle, I keep count, If I accidentally do an odd squirt of the bottle it annoys me, so I have to squirt the bottle again so it's even.
- When I log on to sites: The first time I log out, then I log back in again (It has to be an even amount of logins as well)
- Two coasters either side and in middle of my table, a cup on each one. One coaster can't be empty whilst there's a cup on the other.
Why does it give me slight anxiety when things isn't done correctly?
Everything has to be in order at all times. I file everything. As soon as I receive a confirmation from Amazon or bank statements I file them away in their very own folders. All ring binders need to be marked also.
I know that nothing will happen if I don't do things a certain way, but I feel comfortable, settled in my mind knowing that everything is neat, tidy and in order. 'I do not want chaos of mess surrounding me.
I can't stand the site of seeing just one item in the washing up bowl, it needs to be washed up, dried and placed away neatly in the cupboard immediately. When I see the guy from work come into the kitchen with his empty cup, I wash it up as soon as he puts it down.
Tea bags in the washing up bowl tip me over the edge 'Why does people do that?!'
I can't stand seeing our bar stools cluttered up with newspapers, bags and worst of all...My fathers trousers. It does my head in every time I have to tidy up others mess, at least if I do it I know it will be done right.
How I keep it under control?
I remember in class, finishing my work before some and then sitting there for ages in boredom. I would move books, papers and pens around on the table. I had them laid out neatly, straight and a couple of inches from each other. It felt right and I focused on this. It seems that by doing this on a regular basis it has led me down the OCD path.
I still have worries that everything is not correct or clean as I would like it, so I have to go around everywhere and check.
I deal with it really well because I always make sure everything is in order and make sure every routine goes accordingly. It makes me a much better person and I am able to relax more, think a lot and concentrate on what I am doing.
When everything's clean, tidy and in order...so am I!
To me, this is minor OCD because of the way I control it. If you're in control of the surroundings and situations around you then OCD doesn't become a massive everyday problem. If you have OCD, get into a routine. Meditation is also good for OCD sufferers, well...It works for me!