By mcmanusmom
93 days ago

The Winter Blues

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For several years we watched our son give in to his struggles with addiction. To deal with all my emotions, I wrote. Most of it ended up somewhat like poetry. Some was full of anger, some full of fear, all were true emotions of a Mother who felt she had lost it all.
This is one of the first ones I write. I hope you enjoy.

I feel like my world is falling
Shaken from the core.
All I can do is pray
But I want to do so much more.
I know that God will pick it up
If I just lay it down.
All I want to do is smile
But I only own this frown.
I'll put it here for you, Dear God
Do with it what you will.
I'll be right here waiting
Praying for him here.
I want to see the bright side
It's just so hard through all these tears.
Just know I'll be here waiting
Even if God's will means years.

Heather
Dec 16 2016
2:15 pm

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Alex β€Ί It's beautiful @mcmanusmom. I can see you're a super powerful mum πŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺπŸ’ͺ😍😍 well done. It's really beautiful. Congrats and all the best 😘😘
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mcmanusmom β€Ί @Alex thank you. It's amazing how tough you can be when it's the only choice you have πŸ’•
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Deepizzaguy β€Ί Great image on this site.
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Alex β€Ί I'm struggling with my big boy who is hyperactive with ADHD @mcmanusmom πŸ˜”πŸ˜” Nothing compare to that and it's very hard everyday. I try my best to not stress but not easy to deal with him. Always moaning, answering me back, always aggressive and shouting πŸ˜”πŸ˜”πŸ˜” oh dear...
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mcmanusmom β€Ί @Alex oh no! I completely understand your struggle. Our twins have ADHD. Just hang in there. I was soooo worried about them when they were young. I really didn't see how they could become productive members of society (seriously, it was horrific) They are 23 today and awesome young men. One is a firefighter and the other does HVAV work and also works on his Grandaddy's farm. Once you get through the teen years it becomes easier to manage. Good luck, I know you guys will make it πŸ’•
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Alex β€Ί Thank you my dear @mcmanusmom 😍😍😍 good to hear it. He's going to college in September so the worries are going to start loool. He's so clever, I hope he'll calm down. The moving from UK to Portugal wasn't easy for him and having and young brother either... loool
I need to be more patient πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰
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mcmanusmom β€Ί @Alex college helped Zach a lot. He is so focused on firefighting. My Dad and brother are fireman too so that gives him something to focus on. Finding something he loves is important. Keeping his hands busy keeps his mind busy then his mouth isn't as busy bahahahahahhaaa
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Alex β€Ί Yes @mcmanusmom I really hope so... he kills my patience everyday πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ talks too much as well... like mummy πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰πŸ˜‰ no..... worse than me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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mcmanusmom β€Ί My hardest things was that they always had to have the last word. Oh my mercy! @Alex There were days I wondered who would make it, me or them lol
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Smokey2017 β€Ί This is beautful
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Alex β€Ί Same here @mcmanusmom πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ we're always arguing together. He always wants to have the last word and it drives me mad.. He's only 9... my goodness 😣😣😣
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mcmanusmom β€Ί Thank you @Smokey2017
Some of it is far from beautiful lol
But it's real....
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mcmanusmom β€Ί 8-16 were BAD for us. After that it seemed to level out @Alex
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Alex β€Ί Oh God @mcmanusmom I'll have to struggle another few years πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚ I don't see any improvement since he's in a psicologist. Only the future will tell me. God help me πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚πŸ˜‚
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mcmanusmom β€Ί Each child is different @Alex maybe you guys will have it better and he will level off soon.
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soncee β€Ί Beautiful artikle
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mcmanusmom β€Ί Thank you so much @soncee
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fortune β€Ί I wish you all the best
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mcmanusmom β€Ί thank you @fortune it has been a long road, but the sun is shining πŸ’•
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RalRey β€Ί These lines, or verses, are a kind of psalm in four times, because they contain, first of all, the drama, the pain of a desperate mother, anguished by her captive son of evil:
Verses 1-2

But in the midst of confusion, of grief, of despair, drama does not own everything, there is a light on the road:
Verses 3-8


And that little light grows and becomes faith, hope, trust in God who can do everything, the mighty God to restore life, and throws all his anxiety on him, that God cares for those who come to him, and especially of your children:
Verses 9-12

And finally a certain calm waiting for the times of God, but not inactive resignation:
verses 13-16

I like these verses that denote a certain knowledge of the Word:
"I know that God will pick it up
If I just lay it down"

In the Bible, Psalms 27:10 reads:
When my father and my mother are turned away from me, then the Lord will be my support.
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Alex β€Ί Thankd my dear for the kind words @mcmanusmom 😍😍😍😘😘😘
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Deliana β€Ί Beautiful and impressive poetry! Thank you for sharing, my dear Heather! May god bless you & your family! πŸ’πŸ’πŸ’
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mcmanusmom β€Ί @RalRey Those beautiful verses πŸ’• Some of the ones you quoted were the very ones that kept me going. Psalms 27:10 WOW That's the one that told me what I was doing was right and that although he didn't have us, he had God. πŸ’•πŸ’•
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mcmanusmom β€Ί I hope your day is going well sweet @Alex
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mcmanusmom β€Ί @Deliana thank you so much πŸ’• May God bless you as well
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carmen3521 β€Ί cool..
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mcmanusmom β€Ί Thank you @carmen3521
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RasmaSandra β€Ί Wonderful verse
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mcmanusmom β€Ί @RasmaSandra thank you so much. I have never shared them before now. They are very private and personal. Some are full of hate and disgust because of what we were going through. Until I published this, only my sister in law had read my thoughts
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