Counting your blessings
Just when I thought I had no means of contact, my phone was in repair and I found one of my old phone handset and an old contract sim card so I used it and was able to retrieve the numbers I wanted from my phone which was in repair. I pray everyday in general that I will be blessed in mysterious ways, I pray for my family, their well-being, my friends well-being and my own. I know now never to give up; for instance, University. I did not get in the first time i applied, my application was turned down within 24 hours and rejected, I cried I was angry because I had A grades an B grades 6 of each at a total of 12 gcses, however I had a D in maths. I took this personal, then I realised that personally if I want success I have to go out there and get it. So I searched for other Universities online, and I applied for it. I used the same personal statement I had used for the previous university (which I did not get into). An offer was confirmed after 3 weeks of seeking my GCSE and a-level certificates. They accepted me without an academic reference, I was ecstatic; I cried with relief.
Tertiary education is indeed a route which is not for everyone, I figured that it is not a route for me because I failed the first time I thought theres no point trying again. My mother used to say to me that I never followed through and perused anything other than my academic education. Other than that, when things get tough it is true I tend to run away. when I was getting bullied in my first secondary school, my mother moved me to a very awful secondary school because of the catchment area it attracted the worst types of people that were indeed bullies to everyone, and the Teachers. After being physically attacked by 3 girls and having my hair ripped out I made a decision to leave the school. My final school was a Church school it was a 'St.' School, I was overwhelmed and rough with mixed emotions, I did not know what to expect.
Subsequently, My mother had gotten me a kitten named Kasey as a reward for passing a trial period of 2 weeks. To my mistake, looking back I mentioned this to people when I had started, some people seemed enticed by me; others did not like me. Particularly one girl from Battersea, who reminded me every day that I was ugly and overweight, I was tall for my age standing at 5'8 and yes I was not small. One day I decided to stand up for myself against one of the bullies, but I was held back by my friend I came very close to fighting and was so angry and prepared to fight I had cut my own hand punching the door. Years later to my surprise I exchanged numbers with that same girl who thought I looked great when she saw me complimenting me on how nice my butt looked! I was also confronted by one of the main girls who used to bully me, she heard I was having a party and wanted to come, she bought me a drink, topped up my oyster card and had asked me for a spare cigarette; back in school she used to throw things in my direction, never at me. I thought to myself that implied she was threatened by my presence and did not know how to befriend me, because socially, she was never raised to be decent towards her peers, hence she had bullied girls from various areas she was 'known' but not for good reasons. Years later, I am 22 years old I meet a girl who used to know her, my bully had never made it into University, she remained in the same place she was and that was nowhere, repeating the same relentless spiteful antics of picking on other women. She never grew up.
Anyway... Back to the story, my school had a chapel where I would go to cry when I was being bullied, It also contained a prayer board, where I decided to make a deal with God. I promised God that I would 'take up the shield of faith' so i could 'extinguish the arrows of the evil one' (my bully). I had asked God to help me obtain 12 gcses, I wrote exactly that on the prayer board, under one condition and that was that I didn't leave the school, that I 'never gave up', no matter how tough it got for me. 8 months later, it was August, it was the Results month, I walked into the hall, some people were ecstatic, others were too drifter to open their enveloped, those who bullied me held onto their envelopes either knowing what to expect or being too afraid to open it. I went into the female toilets took a deep breath and opened my envelope upside down. The best Grade A was at the top for Philosophy and ethical theory. I ran outside to my mother and brother who were waiting in the car and congratulated, a voice was in my head, and it whispered 'you did it'. I adopted the same approach in life: when I felt like giving up, I persevered. Never give up, you never know what your destiny has to offer. No matter what pain you feel, God will eventually refine you 'though not as silver', he will test you in the 'furnace of affliction'..