By ScaryGal
2 years ago

Things I wish I could Tell My Mum...

.
Dear Mum,

I'm sorry I'm not like the other people my age. I'm sorry I don't compare to the other girls my age and I'm sorry I don't compare to my brothers. I'm sorry I used to skip class and I'm sorry for wasting my life.

Sorry, I never leave the house but at least I'm not doing drugs or getting pregnant. I'm sorry I failed all of my classes and now I have nothing. I'm sorry I'm depressed and don't feel anything worth accomplishing. I'm sorry for my anxiety, I'm sorry it gets in the way of everything you want me to go out and do and I'm sorry it's such a big deal for me to actually leave the house without you by my side. I'm sorry I don't like any of the guys you think I should like.

I'm sorry for gaining weight, I'm sorry for eating I'm sorry for not eating. Sorry, I'm not good enough. I'm sorry for starving myself for weeks and then binging because I was so hungry I could pass out. Sorry I spent most of my days sleeping trying to dream of the time I was happy. Sorry, I spend 24/7 on my phone even though watching youtube is the only thing that makes me happy right now.

Sorry, I gave up on happiness and only fake a smile whenever you catch me being sad. I'm sorry that I cry myself to sleep every night and sob because I don't want to wake you. I don't want to wake you because I have no idea how to explain to you why I'm feeling so depressed. Sorry for giving up on everything I used to love. I'm sorry I don't get good grades like my brothers.

Sorry, I don't look good even when you look me in the eyes and tell me I'm pretty even without the makeup. I'm sorry I don't feel good even though I'm a size 8. To me I'm not small enough, I'm too big but also too small. I can't fit into today's society until I stick thin but have a big ass and bit tits. I'm sorry I get so worked up about everything small detail and I kick off at the boys.

I only kick off at them because I see them as the best ones, the better kids. They have friends and people they can talk to, I don't. I'm sorry I screamed at Callum it's my way of trying to get your attention.

I'm sorry I've tried to commit suicide three times but always woke up the next day feeling very ill. I'm so much of a failure that I can't even kill myself right.

I'm sorry for the voices in my head that make me want to rip my hair out and scream until they stop. Sorry for never telling you about the abusive relationship I was in, I'm sorry for hiding the bruise that boy gave me when he came over for a card night with you all. I'm sorry I never told you when he tried to kill me in his car because I wouldn't have sex with him. I'm sorry mama.

I'm sorry. I'm not the daughter you wanted or the daughter you deserve.


A/N: I'm sorry if you don't like this. Writing is my way of dealing with things right now.
2 years
LiaF7 To be sorry is to want to change. Do you? Do you want to be strong and face your fears? Have you gone to a doctor and revealed all that you are feeling?
2 years
2 years
ScaryGal I haven't been to a doctor, I haven't even told my mum how I feel. I'm trying to I just don't know how
2 years
2 years
bibinvarghese smae smile same hair same eyes like a twins :)
2 years
2 years
ScaryGal @bibinvarghese the photo is of two people from a TV show I watch. My mum hates her photo so she doesn't have one of us which is a shame
2 years
2 years
bibinvarghese ooo you are good inside and outside you share your feeling with your mother
dont be sorry
2 years
2 years
bibinvarghese @scarygal i think that its you and your mother sorry for that
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 Hey @scary Gail
Im
Crying to your post
As I can totally relate to what you are going through
As my daughter went through a abusive relationship
And I could see what she was going through I wanted her to finsh it but to her it was love she couldn't see him for what he was
It took for her going to rhe police that it all came out and now it is im the hands of the police
You truly need to open your heart to your mum
I truly feel
For you
Please let me help
You xxx
2 years
2 years
ScaryGal Usually, I can tell my mum everything. She knows about my anxiety but that's all. I don't want to push her away by telling her all the scary things and telling her how I really feel. I honestly believe she deserves a better daughter than me and by telling her that I'm admitting it to myself that I'm not perfect and I never will be and it just scares me xxx
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 Scary Gail I don't want to go into too much information
What he done to my daughter is worse what your bf done to you
My daughter went through the sane as you with severe depression and anxiety
She had no confidence In herself
She never left her room
She cut off from
Everyone that was close to her
Please let me help you as I totalky understand what you are going through
My daughter is going for therapy to see a counselllor
I wll tell you the end of her story and you will be truly emotional
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 Scary Gail
You are a beautful
Person with a loveky kind heart which is the most important thing
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 I never knew what he done to my daughter till we got to the police station and it all came out
You neee to see a counsellor and have therapy to get over this
Tell your mum
Don't let it eat you up
And destroy your confidence
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 Scary Gail i need to leave to go and get my daughter from work
So will be on later
Xxxx
2 years
2 years
LiaF7 Dear, please tell a doctor all that you are feeling. Please. @ScaryGal
2 years
2 years
ScaryGal @LiaF7 But if I tell them then they'll stick me on pills and I'll sleep all the time
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 @scary Gail please let me help you
As one hundreds per cent I can help you as I can totalky related to what you are going through
As I am going through it with my daughter
2 years
2 years
bibinvarghese @scarygal you share you feeling with your dearest friend
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 No they won't cause I won't let them
You need to get your confidence back and once you see a counsellor and join their group you will see that there are so many girls in the sane position as you
As my daughter doing her group
Therapy on Friday
2 years
2 years
ScaryGal @Smokey2017 the relationship I mentioned was two months ago and one before that has been sorted. He isn't allowed within 2 streets of me.
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 @scary Gail I'm here to help you as I know exactky what you are going through and can totalky relate
2 years
2 years
LiaF7 @scarygal you could be directed to a therapist. You need help dear.
2 years
2 years
ScaryGal Seeing a counsellor takes money and my so called dad took all that away when he left my mum for a 25 year old
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 My daughter case is hands the
Police and will be presented to cps to see any outcome
2 years
2 years
ScaryGal @LiaF7 What if they judge me for it? What if they tell other people what I've been through. My anxiety fights everything
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 @scary Gail
Your confidence had gone in yourself and your self esteem im determined X to get you back into the beautful person that you are
And that you and yr mum can have a realtionship
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 My daughter was exactky like you in
Every possible way
Losing weight
Not taking
Turning away her friends
Bern distant
Which wasn't like my bubbly daughter she couldn't open to me until we went to the police station and it all came out of what he done
This boy controlled every aspect of her life he was a nasty evil
Piece of work
2 years
2 years
LiaF7 Depression should be treated. With professional help you will get out of the bad feelings you are in. And as I have said put your "dad" behind your back. Not worth the time. Really dear, we should focus on those that love us and be surrounded by people who make us smile. Try to make your day more pleasant not thinking so negative. If there is something you really like to do, try doing it :)
2 years
2 years
ScaryGal I will speak my mum when she's home
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 You need to see a counsellor for help
So they are professional trained to deal with situations of this case
Like my daughter does and she got her confidence bsck and can see what he was doing to het and best part is she had met her prince
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 Depression and anxiety is caused from
The relationship you have just had
You do not need tablets of any kind
You neee to talk and get it out in the open with your mum
Then go to your docs and be refereed to a council
Who specialise in abisuve relationships
Trust me in my daughter case it was rhe police that referred her
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 @scary Gail
Step one talk to your mum and talk from the heart and let her listen
If you get time please listen to the song thank you by jamelia on you tube
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 @scary Gail
Step 2 you maje a appt to see your doctors
And ask for a referral to see a counsellor who specialises in abusive
Relationships as they are qualified in this department and will help you
Step 3 you attend all the sessions and group therapy and who knows might even make friends
Step 4 smokey is by your side to give you confidence and stegrh to get through this
And to make you a beautful person that you know you are
And to listen to Jamelia thank you on repeat on the music
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 @scary Gail to see a counsellor is free
As your doctor refers to you one
Your dad thinks by having a young girl friend by side with let his ego be good in front of his friends
When he gets old and all the wrinkles start and he can't do half the things she wants to do that when she will see him
For what he is and that is old
Young girls go with older men
Reason one is for bank account sugar daddy they call it
Reason 2 is when they die they coop
OF with everythung
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 @scary Gail let me help you
Get through this part of your life
As my daughter is going through exactky the same thing as you
And I can totally relate
The first step is that you tell your mum
Don't let it eat you up and destroy you
Tell her everythng don't hold back
Then you tell her that you would like to make a doctors appt abd taje your mum
With you and ask to be referred to a abusive counsellor who specialises in
Bad relationships
The first appt will be a one to you
Tell them everythng
And then keep up with the appt as they will help with your confidence
You will feel so much better in yourself with time then they refer you to group therapy and rhat when you realised that there are other girls in the sane position as you and that where yoh get to make friends
You never ever let a man control
Your life
You are independent and make your own choices
You never ever let a man harm you in any way
2 years
2 years
Smokey2017 Hey @scarygail
Did you manage to speak to your mum
This evening ???
As haven't heard from
You with a update
Xx
2 years
2 years
Borderline you should tell all of this to her even if it´s hard
2 years
2 years
Borderline I really like the way you write
2 years
2 years
Maydelene Majority of children are afraid to tell their parents or their Mom their secrets! But not all.. If parents are friendly to their Children or child.. kids can easy tell what they feel and also they easily tel their secrets..
2 years