By evanmurray
11 days ago

Tolerance is the key to a Happy Couple

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The peculiarities of each, initially attractive, are also at the source of many conflicts. While accepting differences is not always easy, it is still necessary to enrich the relationship.

Summary
Why is it difficult
Difficulty in detaching yourself from the parental image
Why it matters
Accept the differences of the other ...
How to do
Identify what they are pleasant
Coordinate them
Prefer curiosity to fear
Why is it difficult
“The differences that separate the partners are at the very origin of their story,” remarks psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen. They are the ones who invite us to go towards the other, which make him attractive to us, because he is unique. Do not we say "I love him because he [she] is not like the others"? Except that, after the early days, enthusiastic about this discovery, the differences turn into opposites, and these peculiarities that attracted can become unbearable. Why ? Because, according to Sophie Cadalen, “telling ourselves that we want to build something solid with the other, we think that this will only be possible by agreeing on everything”.

Difficulty in detaching yourself from the parental image
“Seeking, more or less consciously, to find in his partner the double of his parent (or his perfect opposite, which amounts to the same thing), one can only be disappointed when one realizes that he is not. only a stopgap, ”explains psychoanalyst Samuel Lepastier. To this parental image is added that of the ideal partner, whom each carries, sometimes without knowing it, in him: "To see the differences of the other, it is to recognize that it does not conform to the prince charming that the 'we imagined. »Consequence: disenchantment, experienced as the end of love.

Why it matters
"It is when each partner recognizes what makes the specificity of the other that love is born: we can then love him for what he really is", emphasizes Samuel Lepastier. This is what specialists call “mature love”. Giving up the idea of ​​forming the ideal or fantasized couple, the partners are then ready to make their couple camtraxtechnologies.com/ex-back-goddess-review/ a unique creation, and this precisely thanks to the specific - different - contribution of each in the relationship. "It is from the clash of opposites that the flame of life springs up", assured Jung.

Accept the differences of the other ...
... it is also respecting each person's need for autonomy. An essential fact to escape the feelings of suffocation that life together can generate. Thus, Florence, 35, says that at the beginning of her relationship with Sébastien, she found it difficult to bear her passion for rugby. “He devoted all his Saturdays to his training… I did not understand; to me it was as if he tried to run away from me every weekend! "Until the day when she joined him at the stadium:" When I saw how he had fun with his friends, and how embarrassed he was to see me there, even if he didn't dare to To say, I understood that I was too much: it was “his moment”, not that of our couple. “Since then, Florence has enrolled in a theater course, where she lives, every Saturday," [her] passion ", far removed from Sébastien's concerns.

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How to do
Recognize these differences. "He likes to go to bed late, I go to bed early", "She prefers the sea, I the mountain" ... List them can lead to see the other as he is, and not as we imagine him or as one would like. This better knowledge of the other - and of oneself - will help to more easily resolve the conflicts pkplanetdotcom.weebly.com/blog/top-questions-should-to-ask-before-starting-marriage-relationship arising from these differences.

Identify what they are pleasant
“To last,” explains psychoanalyst Sophie Cadalen, “you have to not only accept that the other is different, but also love these differences, since they are the ones that keep the couple alive. "

Coordinate them
It is necessary to seek the points on which each one is ready to release ballast to satisfy the needs and desires of his partner. It is not a question of making apothecary accounts, but of considering the means of coordinating these divergences, to be in complementarity and no longer in opposition. However, this agreement is never fixed; he will have to adapt to the evolutions of each partner and the couple.

Prefer curiosity to fear
"By discovering that the other remains different despite the time spent together, we may fear that he will come to no longer love us or want something else from our relationship," notes Sophie Cadalen. The solution: "Listen, open your eyes, let yourself be surprised, confused ... Accept that this“ other ”universe keeps its mystery. For it is this mystery, this impossibility of knowing and fully understanding the other that creates desire. "