3 years ago

The one-who-must-not-be named

October 6, 2012, 4:22 am, Bedroom. Langga ko, never in my weirdest dreams that God will put me in this situation – meeting you and feeling this way. Everything happens for a reason, they say. This could be proved as a test to myself for maybe I am stronger than I imagine I am. This old boy had been through a lot and I’d been telling myself that I am invisible as long as I am alive. I probably am coz this isn’t a plain situation, in fact this is a very complicated one. Lots happened to me in the past but never did I asked God the stupid question – “Why me Lord?”. And right until now, I won’t ask the good Lord. He has plans I know and I am willing to lay it all unto Him, all trusting in the works of his hands. I believe loving you is His work. How will I tackle all these I know He will help me through. In the past I tried to smooth things on in my own, now I’ll let Him do the work of making things right for I realized He is above me.

Had there been no God, I will never fall in-love with you… why? Cos if I’m the only way who is in control of myself, I will see to it to fall for someone who can love me back, even more that I could have. But there is no denying, there is a greater force than I am and I found myself in a pit as magical as this. They say it’s absurd but I just laughed it out. This is amazing. Feels like I found myself in a wonderland and found myself in awe for all the possibilities in this world far out from my imagination. Yes, you can’t relate langga ko because layu ka gd sa akon kag wla pa gd kita ka bonding. But, isn’t it some kind of a magic? It just feels so good to capture the feelings again and again. They said (my friends) that I ain’t in my lucid thoughts lately. But I am and I found the extraordinariness of this yet I never gave it a bad name. Just like one Rockstar said “ shot through the heart, you’re to blame… You give love a Bad Name… “ but no I won’t though I will be shot through my head and heart over and over again.

They said love is the enemy, Stephen King once wrote it. He said that love is the old slaughterer, that it is not blind, that it is a cannibal with extremely acute vision. He said Love is Insectile; it is always hungry… it eats friendships… but no, no matter how I admire his works I don’t agree with him because I believe and I feel it now that love is the source of life, it gives breath, it opens the beauty of the world that is sometimes enveloped in the shadows of past bitter experience. It renews fading dreams, it keeps shattered pieces whole again.I am in-love with you langga ko, though I know that you are far to reach out. I am so madly in love with you. How much more if you’re just around?…How much more if we could just see each other in just a split second. but destiny is so playful, destiny puts us in two places where we could not easy hold hands together, destiny situate us in a place where the only connection is only our phones. How will I know the veracity of your love langga ko if things would always be like this? You might say that I am too ambitious because I fell in love with you though we don’t have formal introduction. (laughs..) I know langga ko that all of these are just your trip or worst these are just part of your life as a PolSci student. Making reasons, debating on issues, arguing on the ideas which are unfathomable. But langga, this is LOVE, my LOVE, this is a gift, which could not be proven by a simple research or argumentation. Yes I know, at the end, I would lose the battle, the battle of love between you and me. It’s not my fault langga ko, it’s Gods plan, and I don’t want to twist it because I don’t want to fail in His eyes.October 17, 2013 – Terrace - I have been asking, why YOU of all the people. and why me? I don’t know. It just happened. Maybe because we both love compact powders, lipsticks, mascaras, you appreciate beauty; (LAUGHs) maybe because of your wit, yes that’s one. Maybe because you are so kind, maybe because you appreciate women wearing thongs … I don’t know… Might be because of your appearance wherein I was exactly shot by Cupid’s arrow. Might also because of how you dress, so cool, so right in everything, so crisp and clean. Or maybe it’s the way you text messaged me, so true and so fluent… (laughs)… or maybe I fell in love with you just because of the truth that I can’t have you.

Some hate fire that’s why they keep themselves away from troubling situation. Fire is pain, it burns. I pity them… Langga ko, never did they realize that not all the time fire burns. They never saw how fire made things shine and glow. They never saw how fire absorbs the cold. They never saw how embers protect the campers’ sleep all in the wild. You are my fire, you made me shine. You made me glow. Your embers secures me in my sleep. Your warmth kept me away from the killing cold. Too bad for them, they never saw all These…

Langga ko, its very late na gd ni ya but I don’t have yet the eagerness to close my eyes as you used to know me, (Early bed always) (laughs) I am still thinking of the moment that you were here at my side, hoping that it will come again. I am still thinking on the kisses and hugs that we both enjoy (I don’t know if you really enjoy with my company) . The way you fight me in bed, so angry, so cruel yet so smooth and appealing.

What really made an old boy fall for you? For me, Physical matters are nice but intelligence and passion born of living, the ability to move and be moved by the subtleties of mind and spirit are what really counts. .. and that’s what you are langga ko… People say.. “ruel, think!” but analysis destroys whole, some things like this are meant to stay whole.. some things, magic things like this are meant to stay whole. If I’ll try to look at their pieces, they’ll go away. You are magic langga ko and I don’t wanna do that, I don’t want you GONE. Langga ko when magic comes to you, grab it. Bathe yourself with it and that time you will somehow be able to relate with what I feel now. God, I’m a child again and it feels so Good. Fairytales don’t come true langga, but magic comes when you’ll never know. Feel it, don’t let it slip in your fingers…

You are so loved. langga ko 11:52 PM
3 years
LiaF7 One thing I agree with your friends... a person in love is in a different level and is not totally lucid. Passion can blind you and your mind just wants you to see what your heart sees. The "in love" state can make you forget that 20 other people are in a room when you are accompanied by the one you love. The rest of the world can turn blurred and your focus is on one single person.
3 years