I'm a ridiculously socially awkward person. I don't know what happens, it's like my brain just stops working and goes into panic mode whenever I have to interact with another human being. If you can relate to this, you will know how inconvenient it can be. Simple things like going to the store buy milk, a stranger asking you for the time, and phone calls can be absolute nightmares. However, it can actually be pretty damn hilarious to look back on these occasions, and share your socially awkward stories with others, regardless of how terrifying they were at the time. So I have decided to share with you some of my socially awkward moments which occurred only this morning when I ventured into town. The words in asterisk's are what we are thinking, doing or feeling, the rest are spoken words. Enjoy!
The Post Office
I've started using eBay and every trip to the post office is it's own comical adventure. This week I had to post a parcel recorded delivery. It went as follows.
Me: Hi could I post this recorded 2nd class please?
Post Office Lady: Okay, put it on the scales please.
Me: *puts bulky parcel on the silver surface of the counter as though I'm going to try pushing it through the letter slot*
Post Office Lady: No you need to put it on the scales *points to scales*
Me: Sorry! *puts parcel on scales*
Post Office Lady: Are there any batteries inside?
Me: *Pauses for 5 seconds* urm... no. No.
Post Office Lady: Are you sure?
Me: *looking shady* ....yeah...
Post Office Lady: Okay, that will be £4.50 please.
Me: *fumbles around in purse, puts money on counter, and goes to leave*
Post Office Lady: Wait you need your receipt.
Me: Oh, *walks back and gets receipt then leaves with my head down as everyone stares*
I pay wages into the bank weekly, usually using a machine, but this time I had an old £5 note and needed to exchange it for a new one. (In the UK we cannot use the old £5 notes any more.)
Bank guy: Hey, how can I help you today?
Me: Hi urm... can you change this for a new fiver please?
Bank guy: Sure no problem!
Me: *phew that was easy*
Bank guy: Do you bank with us?
Me: *Pause of panic* Oh urm... yes! Yeah I do bank with you!
Bank guy: *blatantly thought I was lying* ....alright. *hands me note*
Me: *bolts out the bank like a criminal of lies*
Supermarket queues stress me out at the best of times, but when your (usually silent) phone suddenly goes off, it's whole new experience.
Me: *Shoves all my things on the belt as quickly as possible to not keep others waiting*
Cashier: That will be £22 please.
Me: Okay thank you
*phone starts ringing loudly*
Me: OMG OMG SORRY SORRY
Cashier: It's okay...?
Me: *trying to feel phone in bag to switch it off* Omg stop it shut up! SHUT UPPPP!
Cashier and other shoppers: *look at me in fear and confusion*
Me: *finally finds phone and scrambles to silence it, pays money and grabs things in my bare hands rather than bagging them up just to get out a.s.a.p*
Cashier: You forgot your change...
Me: *bolts back* T...thanks. *dashes off*
The Woman who Suddenly asked me for the time and was given Directions.
I was planning out a route in my head to go to a hardware store, when a lady approached to politely ask for the time. In my panicked state, I ended up giving her the route to the department store.
Woman: Excuse me, do you have the time?
Me: OH yeah sure it's left at the end of the road, then you'll see an island, go right and past the tire shop...
Woman: Urm... I mean the time of the day?
Me: Oh the time?!?!
Woman: haha yes.
Me: It's urm... oh god I duno... urm.... *looks around in random directions*
Helpful Stranger: It's quarter past 11.
Woman: Thank you *looks at me like I'm insane then walks away confused*
These are literally just the social interactions I have experienced in the past 4 hours. There are easily at least 10-15 of these in each and every day of my life :P Believe it or not, I'm actually not completely brain-dead; I've always gotten good grades at school, and I can work things out if I have time to think. I just get insanely nervous whenever other human beings are involved, especially when something unexpected happens on the spot, which causes me to come across as a bit of a nut job. Do you have any socially awkward stories to share?